He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
