I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
