if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
