you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My vagina just recognized that song.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
