the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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