I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found the puke drawer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
