a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
His nipple licking is glorious
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
