I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
