We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
