Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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