Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
