I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
