Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
