is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
