Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
