You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
