Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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