And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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