Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the day after is always just damage control
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
