I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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