what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
