I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
