Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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