I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
