So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize