and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
