the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
