real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
