I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
