They should really pass out barf bags in church
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
