Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
