Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
