I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
