Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
