I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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