I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
