he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
