3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Someone came in the potted fern
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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