I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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