We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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