Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
