it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
