my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
