Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
