Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
