Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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