Tell her she can't have a vagina
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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