I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
