pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
whose ass print is on the piano?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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