Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
