i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
