My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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