dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
