I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
