sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
