you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
