Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
